Yesterday I got a wild hair and decided it was time to get my Alabama driver's license. Now mind you, I've been living here almost 6 1/2 years and have kept my TN license. Yes, I should have done it earlier but I'm a rebel. However, my TN license is often mistaken for an expired one, as the sticker on the back provided by my homestate is worn and barely legible. I get a lot of flack and have been turned away for services because of it. These "services" include purchasing alcohol and partaking in some booty shakin'.
So I mosey (cause that's what we southerner's do...mosey) on over to the local DMV. For you who don't know, to transfer your out of state license, there is one single DMV location in this city to where I must go. Also, for those of you who want a Commercial Driver's License, this particular Huntsville office is one of TWO in the ENTIRE STATE to get your CDL for Alabama. Also, in case you have your license pulled, this is the ONLY location to get it reinstated in the county.Not knowing this information...I ventured....
Showing up 30 minutes before they opened, I was about 25th in line outside. Most people looked to be the average 16 year old there to get their first license. *dream sequence* I remember my first license. I aced the written. The road test was a little iffy as I jumped a curb in my mom's big pick up truck. I also squeeled some tires and barely missed a passing car. I think they were impressed and gave me my license. THANKS TENNESSEE!
So they open the door and I'm instantly in another line. People from the day before already have their number and sit and wait to be called.The old guy in front of me explains he is there to get his license reinstated because of a DUI but "it wasn't his fault" or something another. Great, entertainment finds me....I know this is going to be a fun field trip now.
I take my number, 75, and sit quietly in the corner. Yes, I can sit quietly, though this shocks some of you. Numbers 50-55 are up. Heck yeah, I'm going to be out by 9am!
I watch the people who are there and realize the CDL/reinstatement bunch very quickly. My favorite person is this skinny crack head. She is definitely on something as she is fidgety and making faces like she is crying, then laughing, then crying. She runs her hands through her hair a few times and doesn't sit. She goes in and out, pacing the floors. Evidently her skin is crawling and she can't take it. Funny thing is, two state troopers are at the DMV and don't say anything to her. Yes, please give her a license. Please.
Then my number is called and I'm forced to sit in another section. I feel that my trip is going to end soon. Then it happens...the computers crash. I'm not talking the Huntsville branch's computers...I'm talking NATIONWIDE the DMV computer system. What? It's karma for making fun of the crackhead, I know.
For the next 2 1/2 hours I sit and wait, next in line. Other characters come in such as...
The Dead Guy - In the computer system, he is labeled deceased yet he is at the DMV. I guess they give a license to anyone.
The Drunk Girl - She comes in claiming she needed a new license because her purse was taken. She reeks of alcohol. The Trooper takes her to the back and gives her a breathalyzer. Who comes to the DMV drunk expecting to get a license?
Billy Ray - The best looking mullet walks in...all business up top...clean, moussed and spikey; it's beautiful. Long ringlets waterfall down the back, looking much like a weave to me.Scrumptious!
Chatty Patty - The girl next to me, number 76. This was her third time at the DMV this week. She brought a backpack full of books and whatnots to waste her time and wore a nametag. She was there to get a CDL to drive her church van. She had to leave by 11...yadda yadda yadda.
Mean Jesus Granny and Crying Granddaughter - They came in late, like around 8:30 am expecting to get a road test. They told her she should have come in earlier and they were already booked for the day. They leave at first, then granny returns to talk to the supervisor. She mentions something about Jesus and I see her brow was looking mean. Granddaughter returns, make-up smeared and they sit in the lobby. Granny then gets up to take down the address for complaints. She gets things done, that granny.
The computers come back up and everyone is estatic. I am up! My vision test was a litle iffy. I guess playing with lasers at work could damage my eyesight, but I pass. I get my license and head out the door. I see Jesus Granny talking to Crying Granddaughter. Knowing they ain't getting their road test now, I grin and leave. That's what you get Mean Granny....kill them with kindness mafakka!
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