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Friday night, as previously noted, my female cohort and I ventured to what is known as a "Slumber Party" at the home of my brother and sister-in-law's. For all who don't know, basically a party of this nature is for ladies only and consists of the sale of not only novelty marital aids, but also gag gifts (no pun intended, I swear), lotions, books, ointments of such, keychains, whips, swings...you get the drift. Usually a large group of women sit around and listen to a saleslady (Silicon Saleslady) hock her junk (not "her" junk, specifically, cause that would fall in the line of soliciation). We play games, talk openly about what we like and dislike in the bedroom or kitchen or wherever we decide to procreate, lick our hands, apply lotions to our lips, smell lubes and make fun of each other.
I've been to these parties before and have been known to host a couple. I even got my nickname from this Saucy Lady-type party. My first one was thrown by my father's girlfriend. I was never more uncomfortable in my life as she talked about him and what he likes.Ewww...
So sidekick and I frolick to the hills of TN to buy more junk. I didn't need anything; I sure wasn't "running out" of anything, but it's always fun to go see reactions and generally have fun with other women. We get there and the saleslady is running late. Great, I 'll just drink some liquor my sis-in-law has provided me. Oh, and it seriously is a slumber party...we were supposed to come in our pj's but no one told me or my sidekick. There's something strange about seeing grown women you don't know in their raggedy-ass sleepwear eating heart shaped ham sandwiches. But back to the lecture at hand...
Saleslady finally showed, leaving a few of us girls to help her carry her load o' goodies inside. She comes with everything (table, tool boxes of batteries, tupperware bins of stuff) and no helper. I don't mind that it's raining hard, on a hill, in mud, to carry such items as I know I am in for a treat. I know this particular lady and I am excited to remind her of me. She appeases my esteem by faking like she remembers me. I like this.
Inside, hullabaloo ensues. She sets up her table while we eat our food and drink more liquor. Good times...good times. She decides to throw a huge double headed marital aid onto the floor for some quick laughter. This is used for an icebreaker game later...no we don't use them on each other...ewwww. Me being Saucy, I pick it up and attempt to swing it over my shoulders to say "hey, I'm going to the bedroom for a little while, I'll be back hahahahaha". As I toss this sucker over my shoulder, saleslady SOMEHOW puts her face right in the way. I mean, c'mon...she should have seen this ginormous penis coming towards her...but no. WAPOW! Right in the jaw. She's startled and I feel bad. Somehow I think she deserves it for being in the way and screwing up my joke and I stop feeling bad. Damn lady. I bet that wasn't a first for her.
She starts the show and I grow bored as I have sat through the same schpeel many times. I even throw in a few pointers myself as to remind her who she was dealing with...Ms. Saucy.
After the show, everyone makes their purchases and the crowd parts ways. On the drive home, buddy and I discuss ways to become our own salesmen as we know these products inside and out. Then we realized that we like having nights off and like not travelling to strange people's homes.
FYI, I will be hosting one of these parties within a month or so. Ladies make your way.
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Saturday was football practice. Something about five people showing up doesn't sound like practice to me. We ran one lap around the park and called it a day. Yes, I was tired.
That night I watched Rob Zombie's " The Devils Rejects"...pretty good movie. I'm just happy I ordered the pizza afterwards. Another movie called "The Chumbscrubber" was horrible. Don't rent a movie you cannot pronouce fyi.
Snowball fight also ensued as I had a cheap shot. I wasn't aiming there I promise. Sorry Sir.
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On another note...the WWE had a house show here today. I had tickets to go with my brother. This morning, I had the pleasure of eating breakfast with someone at the Waffle House.In walks Coach. As he enters, Dean Freakin' Malenko walks out. Dean Freakin' Malenko! Only one of my top five wrestlers of all time. I'm freaking out a little and try to call my brother who doesn't answer. Damn. Then after a while, I realize Carlito is eating breakfast with Coach. Three WWE wrestlers....in Waffle House with Saucy. Damn. After they left, I kept waiting on someone like Triple H to enter but sadly he didn't. Oh well...we went to the show and Rob Van Damm was outside talking to people. Wuzzup RVD. ECW!
The show was pretty good. Our seats were along the aisle where the wrestlers came out so we smacked hands with most of them (sorry Todd). The highlight had to be seeing the asses of Triple H and Edge as they were running around the ring trying to hold up their pants. I didn't realize they were so funny.
So now I'm going to apply for a job at the Waffle House and sell novelty items in the back...come on out.
